I’ve been sitting on this website nearly two years now, waiting for the “perfect” moment to finally use it.
The trouble with waiting for the perfect moment, with anything, is that life is not perfect.
Far from it.
If the past two years has taught me anything, it’s that time will pass no matter how you use it.
I had initially wanted to start this blog, (brand, whatever you want to call it) for the purpose of helping others to overcome their obstacles and find the courage to go after their dreams and goals, or start the process of figuring out what those are.
While that is still my desire, I found that I was losing my own ability to do just that.
When I first came up with the idea of this blog, I felt like I was at a sort of peak in my life.

See, my own goal at the time was to get healthy and feel good, but also to see how much more I could accomplish from there.
I wanted to keep losing the excess weight I had, get stronger, and continue to build my own mental fortitude.
Not just for myself, but to be there for my daughter and show her how strong her mommy can be… and I was doing it.
I was killing it honestly.

I was in the best shape I’ve ever been in.
Felt great, felt beautiful, sexy… invincible almost.
I knew my worth, and settled for nothing less than what I wanted.
I was preparing for so much more beyond my physical goals.
Looking towards a career change, preparing for learning more skills, and dreaming of travel.
Then.. my best friend passed.
A year after that, my little sister did as well.
Other things in between, that I won’t detail.. yet.
I told myself I would not allow the grief drown me, but I sit here now admitting that it did.
Here we are, just over two years since my best friend moved on, and a year since my sister joined her.
In that time, I felt myself fading away.
My inner fire, stifled.
I became less active, unable to find the joy in competing with myself.
I started fasting less, something that had made me feel clean and healthy became unimportant.
I started going out less, wanting to hide myself away.
Anxiety seemed unbearable, telling me horrible things day and night.
Depression followed as these things took their toll.
Initially, I lost weight from the grief not allowing me to have an appetite.
Then I regained my appetite, but partnered with depression and inactivity, I started regaining some of the physical and mental weight I had worked so hard to rid myself of.
All these things led me to feeling like I was in no position to think I could help anyone.
Who am I to call myself The Motivated Momster, when I felt that description had no connection to me anymore?
Self-pity? Probably.
I felt like I had fallen in a vast and empty hole.
I knew it was important to talk to those close to me about how I was feeling, and I did.
They reminded me often of my self-awareness, and how they saw someone still fighting despite all I had gone through.
I was unable to see it though, I felt like an imposter.
If they could only peek into my mind, they’d see how broken I had really become and they would no longer think so highly of me.
Even so, I kept reaching out to my community and those I trusted with these dark feelings.
I knew that keeping everything in the dark, would allow allow it to fester and grow.
Over time, shedding light on these things made the darkness retreat, little by little.
I kept putting my all into raising my daughter and caring for my aunt, the only thing I could still find passion for.

Any time I looked at her face or held her, I found myself holding back sobs.
Not because of sadness, but the overwhelming joy and love she has always brought me.
Eventually, I realized I could harness this feeling to reignite the fire I felt I was losing.
So I did, it has been slow, but it is working.
During this healing process, it finally came to me.
I am not alone.
There are so many people out there who feel like me, or are going through something making them feel like an echo of themselves.
Also like me, those people want more, they want better.
At the very least, they don’t want to feel this way forever.
Then I felt a spark, exciting that dim fire that once burned so bright.
I realized that this is what I wanted this space to be about.
Not about me “bragging” about how I had crushed my goals and was already what I deemed as “perfect”.
I want this to be a place where I share my journey on finding myself again.
Reclaiming my life.
Reconquering my goals.
Living and enjoying life again.
But not just that.
I want to do it alongside others.
Whether you are here to:
- Conquer your own obstacles
- Find some company while working on your own path
- Follow along for the stories that got me to this point
- Witness my journey continue to unfold
- Even if you are just here to anonymously peek into my life
No matter the reason, I welcome you here.
It’s time for me to stop waiting, and just do.
I’m ready to dive back into life.
Are you coming with me?

Leave a Reply